Cycle

She realizes that it is a vicious cycle.

It started out with her as the awkward girl. She never knew quite what to do or to say to boys, or to other girls, and she was terrible at parties. Never been kissed, never held hands with anyone, she was content to just wear overlarge sweatshirts every day and hide herself in them.

Her companion, though, was comfortable with herself, inside and out. She was loud and she was confident and she did whatever she want. "Miss Popularity", if you will.

The Awkward Girl wished she could be like Miss Popularity, and so she stuck close to her side all through middle school.

High school came along, and things changed after a while. Awkward Girl had a new family; a family where her drum majors were her mother and father, her section leader was her older brother, and the students who moved up underneath here were her children or younger siblings. She found her niche and her legitimate, raw, pure talent and pushed herself to improve it, polish it.

Miss Popularity fell into poor favor and disappeared, mentioned only here and there, but always forced herself into being mentioned for her (nonexistent) "talents".

Awkward Girl still favored the sweatshirt and baggy jeans. Awkward Girl hid behind long hair and glasses and didn't ever wear makeup. Awkward Girl still hung in the corner at parties.

Miss Popularity was still chic, bold, out-there. She found new friends to make herself look and sound better than she really was. She was never afraid to get on the dance floor.

A few months passed and Awkward Girl grew brave. She emerged from her shell and forced herself to keep her hair back, her chin up, her eyes wide open to the world. She wore bright, vibrant colors and painted her nails. She never wore makeup because she believed that she didn't need it.

Awkward Girl was cast. Miss Popularity was not. Awkward Girl made friends. Miss Popularity lost them. Awkward Girl only became prettier. Miss Popularity became the opposite.

Most importantly, Awkward Girl found love in her dashing nerd in shining armor, who reciprocated her feelings (more than she realized, or so he told her).

Miss Popularity was left in the dust, little more than a memory in Awkward Girl's head.

Awkward Girl's confidence grew. Her personality became huge, and her self-confidence and self-worth flew through the roof. She was well-known, she was well-liked, she felt like she had it all.

Suddenly it crashed down. She lost love, she lost her new family, she lost her sanity, she lost her confidence, she lost her role.

Miss Popularity got the role. She got it all back.

Awkward Girl sits alone with a leg held close to her chest. It's a painful, vicious cycle she's a part of. In the back of her mind, she can hear the drumline's beat and realizes that the cycle must begin all over again.